Why I took my husband's last name:

As I’m sure some of you saw on social media recently…

I changed my last name from ‘Bode’ to ‘Cama’ when I got married last month.

I still often forget and write out ‘Bode’ from habit and I’m sure it’s going to take me a while before it becomes my new normal (speaking of which, I just realized that you’re receiving this email from kelleymbode.com 😅 changing everything takes time!).

This last couple months has been a huge shift in my identity and who I’ve always known myself to be! Not just in changing my last name, but also in becoming a wife.

Leading up to our wedding & since, many women have asked my views on changing my last name. I always knew that I wanted to take Matt’s last name but it took awhile for me to articulate why that was…

It started with… “well, I want our family to all have the same last name” and “I don’t mind giving up my old last name, I wouldn’t want him to take mine or to hyphenate”...

But I knew there was something deeper that I was struggling to put into words at that point.

I wondered, “Is this just conditioning from tradition?” as many people say that it is.

But when I investigated the deeper layers I realized no, this isn’t about conditioning, this is about polarity from a masculine/feminine perspective.

As the masculine in our relationship, Matt is the leader of our family. I love it that way & I want it that way. So it makes sense for me to take his last name as a symbol of that.

It is a sign of my respect for him, my trust in him as our leader, and my desire for this continued dynamic.

Him leading doesn’t mean that I’m passive, disempowered, and unimportant - as my feminist conditioning once thought.

It actually just means he is in service to our family, that I’m provided for and protected, and that (because I don’t have to worry about those things) I get to focus on nurturing our home, our cat children (lol), our business, and eventually, our real babies.

Because of his leadership, I get to be in the feminine role within our relationship. I’m so grateful for that.

So yes, there was a bit of sadness in letting go of my old identity, of course. I will always love my maiden name and the memories that come with it.

However, the joy of what I’m stepping into now with Matt is much bigger than the sadness I feel in letting that go.

So, that’s why I took Matt’s last name.

Sending tons of love your way,

💗 Kelley Cama 💗

P.S. For women who want to connect to their feminine energy & heal their relationship with men so that they can have the polarized, loving dynamic that they want…

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